Beckobiography

An Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters By Porsche Nelson

Chapter 1
I walk down the street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost; I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find my way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe that I'm in the same place, but it isn't my fault. It takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see that it is there. I still fall in; it's a habit. My eyes are open; I know it's my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down a different street.

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I'm sorry to say that my life would have a chapter 2A, which would probably read something like this:

I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see that it is there. I want to check and make sure it's as deep as I remember it. For safety reasons. To warn others. I still fall in. It is a bit deeper than I remembered. It's a habit. My eyes are squeezed shut. I'd rather blame someone else. I whine about getting out, but do it eventually.

And chapter 2B, which would say this:

I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see that it is there. I think about walking around it but I have no idea what that would feel like, plus I've already grown accustomed the ladders I have in place for getting out of the hole. So, might as well fall in. I fall in. The hole is more or less how I remember it. Some of my ladders are in need of repair. I eventually make it out. It might be my fault, but only a little bit. I complain to the city's public works department.

Chapter 2C:

I walk down the same street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see that it is there. I start to walk around it but lose my balance as I try and pat myself on the back. I still fall in. Someone has removed all my favorite ladders (public works perhaps?) I claw my way out. My eyes are opening. It was my fault but it's not fair that I fell in because I was trying so hard to walk around.

 

That's a lot of unnecessary time spent in a hole, don't you think?