The good news: I finally figured out how to do that pattern! The only issue now will be how to weave in the ends inconspicuously on such a small row of color. I can handle that. I'm excited to really, REALLY start this project and keep going, for a change. It'll be my largest project to date.
The less good news: I was so thrilled at finally incorporating a second color in a way that looked good that I forgot the pattern row and will have to rip out my work (hopefully) one more time. Undoing knitting is a whole lot more complicated than undoing crocheted work. (Unless there's an easy way I haven't been told about.)
Today I went (for the second time) to a knitting group that meets at the library. I enjoy the personalities of the ladies who come and find their opinions and perspectives fun to listen to. People fascinate me. I am by far the youngest of the group; the next oldest member is 37 and the only male.
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I was going to write about gallbladder attacks but that doesn't sound very blog-worthy at the moment. I think I've had a few; I'm changing my diet accordingly and hoping that will help.
Showing posts with label Knitting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Knitting. Show all posts
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
AAA
I have spent the past thirty minutes wrestling with a knitting pattern. I'm attempting to learn two new stitches AND add a second color (not in the original pattern.) What I have envisioned is exactly what I want and so I fight with the yarn, pattern and needles to see if it's even possible to achieve exactly what I want. All this under Tesla's close supervision, of course.
I think I've finally figured it out but I'll have to try it tomorrow. I'm currently too tense and cross-eyed to continue.
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People in recovery often talk about the the three A's. Awareness, acceptance and action. It's impossible to change something if I'm unaware, so I've come to see awareness as a gift. I become aware (slowly or suddenly) of something about myself that I'd like to do differently. Maybe a habitual thought or maybe a familiar reaction. Whatever it is, I'm aware of it now and want to try something else.
So I jump to action. Because that's what I want to do - change it. Change it now. Take charge, come up with all the answers myself and stay in control.
I have completely ignored the acceptance piece of it.
Without paying close attention to the acceptance step I tend to remain in judgement of myself and whatever it is I'd like to try and change. I find myself refusing to admit the full reality of whatever my awareness has just shown me. I jump to action as quickly as possible because I'd like to stay in control and change right away! I prefer to minimize and deny and look for some little quick-fix rule. I jump to action in order to stay slightly in denial. I'm insecure and don't want to risk full awareness because of what it might mean about myself. Maybe I really am all-bad and there is no hope? Let's not stop to find out! Onward!
This doesn't end well. I can't change myself and when I try it often works for a little while and ends with increasing amounts of harsh self-criticism.
Acceptance is a hard thing for me to give myself. Acceptance all the time, wherever I am in the process. It's an easy thing for God to give myself.
I think I've equated "acceptance" to "apathy." If I accept something then that means there's nothing at all I can do and I'm miserable and hopeless and just have to deal with the way things are forever and ever.
But that's not true. Acceptance just means seeing reality and agreeing with it.
Full, deep acceptance is good news because then I can move on to actions that will be far more helpful than the actions that came without acceptance.
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“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I think I've finally figured it out but I'll have to try it tomorrow. I'm currently too tense and cross-eyed to continue.
---
People in recovery often talk about the the three A's. Awareness, acceptance and action. It's impossible to change something if I'm unaware, so I've come to see awareness as a gift. I become aware (slowly or suddenly) of something about myself that I'd like to do differently. Maybe a habitual thought or maybe a familiar reaction. Whatever it is, I'm aware of it now and want to try something else.
So I jump to action. Because that's what I want to do - change it. Change it now. Take charge, come up with all the answers myself and stay in control.
I have completely ignored the acceptance piece of it.
Without paying close attention to the acceptance step I tend to remain in judgement of myself and whatever it is I'd like to try and change. I find myself refusing to admit the full reality of whatever my awareness has just shown me. I jump to action as quickly as possible because I'd like to stay in control and change right away! I prefer to minimize and deny and look for some little quick-fix rule. I jump to action in order to stay slightly in denial. I'm insecure and don't want to risk full awareness because of what it might mean about myself. Maybe I really am all-bad and there is no hope? Let's not stop to find out! Onward!
This doesn't end well. I can't change myself and when I try it often works for a little while and ends with increasing amounts of harsh self-criticism.
Acceptance is a hard thing for me to give myself. Acceptance all the time, wherever I am in the process. It's an easy thing for God to give myself.
I think I've equated "acceptance" to "apathy." If I accept something then that means there's nothing at all I can do and I'm miserable and hopeless and just have to deal with the way things are forever and ever.
But that's not true. Acceptance just means seeing reality and agreeing with it.
Full, deep acceptance is good news because then I can move on to actions that will be far more helpful than the actions that came without acceptance.
---
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Monday, December 3, 2012
Scalped
Today I ripped a good-sized chunk of hair (about the size of a nickel) right out of my scalp. I climbed partially up the shelving Superman built in the storage closet on our balcony in search of peanut butter and when I saw none, I let go and dropped back to the ground. Just that quickly a section of my hair hooked into the little chain and spring assembly that keeps the closet door from opening too far and my hair stayed hooked while the rest of me kept going. It hurt.
I'm afraid to look and see just how much is missing because I'm already sensitive about the handfuls I'm losing due to anemia. (Although I'm beginning to wonder if hair loss is a symptom of anything else because my iron level IS in the normal range now, but barely.)
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Tonight I took my knitting to church and sat around and knit and talked with other knitters. I'm excited to have sources other than YouTube videos to teach and explain techniques to me. Our fearless leader (of something called a "prayer shawl ministry"; it's all new to me, too) is delightfully unconcerned about "mistakes" and appears to be very good at fixing just about any problem there is without ripping out the work. I am intrigued. She shared that the group of ladies who taught her were of the mindset that if you won't notice it from a galloping horse, then it's not that big a deal. I enjoyed the imagery and further imagine that I would be the kind of horse galloper that would come to a screeching halt and then get off my horse to measure and count stitches. Knitting is helping to lessen my perfectionism and I am grateful.
---
I went for my yearly eye exam and was told that I would probably benefit from reading glasses. When she asked me if anything had changed since last year or if I was experiencing any issues with my eyes I said no. But after the appointment I realized that very often each night I'll reach a point where my eyes are very tired and less willing to read and more willing to close, at which point they're achy and stingy for a while even after they're closed. I just figured I needed more sleep, which is probably also true. We have pretty good vision insurance that will get even better after the first of the year, and so I may get a pair of glasses now and another pair next month. I tried on some frames at Costco and decided that something must be done about my eyebrows. I like the darker rimmed frames, but to me it seems to clash horribly with my super dark (and thick, at times, sigh) eyebrows. Also adding glasses to my crooked face only seems to enhance the crookedness. Why yes, that ear IS a good bit lower than the other one! And that eyebrow IS higher! I know the frames can be bent to fit my face better but the glasses are still pretty symmetrical and my face is still pretty not.
It's tricky, picking a pair of glasses. I never realized what a big decision it is. Your FACE! What people SEE! (Granted, only when I'm reading, but still.) I think between my husband's and sister's input I should be pretty good but if any of you know of certain dos and don'ts of the glasses-wearing world, please let me know!
I'm afraid to look and see just how much is missing because I'm already sensitive about the handfuls I'm losing due to anemia. (Although I'm beginning to wonder if hair loss is a symptom of anything else because my iron level IS in the normal range now, but barely.)
---
Tonight I took my knitting to church and sat around and knit and talked with other knitters. I'm excited to have sources other than YouTube videos to teach and explain techniques to me. Our fearless leader (of something called a "prayer shawl ministry"; it's all new to me, too) is delightfully unconcerned about "mistakes" and appears to be very good at fixing just about any problem there is without ripping out the work. I am intrigued. She shared that the group of ladies who taught her were of the mindset that if you won't notice it from a galloping horse, then it's not that big a deal. I enjoyed the imagery and further imagine that I would be the kind of horse galloper that would come to a screeching halt and then get off my horse to measure and count stitches. Knitting is helping to lessen my perfectionism and I am grateful.
---
I went for my yearly eye exam and was told that I would probably benefit from reading glasses. When she asked me if anything had changed since last year or if I was experiencing any issues with my eyes I said no. But after the appointment I realized that very often each night I'll reach a point where my eyes are very tired and less willing to read and more willing to close, at which point they're achy and stingy for a while even after they're closed. I just figured I needed more sleep, which is probably also true. We have pretty good vision insurance that will get even better after the first of the year, and so I may get a pair of glasses now and another pair next month. I tried on some frames at Costco and decided that something must be done about my eyebrows. I like the darker rimmed frames, but to me it seems to clash horribly with my super dark (and thick, at times, sigh) eyebrows. Also adding glasses to my crooked face only seems to enhance the crookedness. Why yes, that ear IS a good bit lower than the other one! And that eyebrow IS higher! I know the frames can be bent to fit my face better but the glasses are still pretty symmetrical and my face is still pretty not.
It's tricky, picking a pair of glasses. I never realized what a big decision it is. Your FACE! What people SEE! (Granted, only when I'm reading, but still.) I think between my husband's and sister's input I should be pretty good but if any of you know of certain dos and don'ts of the glasses-wearing world, please let me know!
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