Guinea pig

I love volunteering my kids to be used for science. I would volunteer myself too! I regularly participated in all kinds of studies while I was in college and I'm currently part of a long term study with Kaiser.

Elaine and I made the drive to a university about an hour away (much closer to our old house!) and she participated in a language study. I loved it. Elaine didn't care one way or the other, as long as there were fun new toys to play with. I now have a certificate of participation to put in her baby book if she HAD a baby book.

After that we stopped in at a baby store nearby and I tried on an Ergo again. I think I'm going to go with it. I've wondered if perhaps it's too bulky (but that's mostly why it's so great for long carries) and if I should go with a mei tai instead... but Ergo it is. I can always sew myself a mei tai if I really feel the need for one.

Superman thinks I'm a little crazy to be so into baby carriers and cloth diapers (he gets the cloth diaper thing, but only to a certain point) but I say he should consider himself lucky as I am *not* into expensive jewlery. At least this hobby is practical! Besides, I think he's a little crazy to be so into health/protein/powder/shake stuff. And that stuff is consumable! So we're even. Or, I'm ahead, because at least my stuff has re-sale value! =)

The thing with cloth diapers and baby carriers is you don't know what works best for you until you try several kinds. He's highly doubtful when I say that after this Ergo I won't need a single other baby carrier, but I'm pretty sure it's true. You don't know what you don't know until you do know, and now I do know all I need to know. =)

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Foster care is still very much on my mind, but we're still waiting to proceed. There are things to work out. I sometimes just ache to meet that first child though, wondering what he/she will look like, what his/her personality will be, anxious to learn what his/her specific needs are, if it will BE a boy or girl, how our family will adapt, etc.. Kind of like I would feel if I were pregnant with a third child. The time for foster care is not right now, but I hope it will be sooner than later.

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I am a sucker for journals. Anyone who knows me knows this. I made the unfortunate mistake of buying a ridiculously large (as in, many pages) journal for myself. I'm currently barely half-way through it and my entries begin in 2006. It's slow going.

So! I went out and bought four more! Smaller ones. I intend to use them for me, Superman and each of my girls. I hope to fill them with thoughts, prayers, hopes, struggles and dreams that specifically apply to each of them as I share in their lives. I envision giving them to my girls one day, as evidence of their uniqueness and how I tried over the years to cultivate who they are. It'll be a kind of timeline over which I can point to joys and sorrows, triumphs and defeats...

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I really don't want to post this entry. I highly doubt it's interesting or compelling.

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Oh yeah and since my sister said I need more pictures (I tend to agree) here you go. It fits in with all the talk about baby carriers.

I had forgotten how absolutely essential this wrap was for us in those early weeks and months. Elaine had such a rough time (as did I!) and was always happiest when I was holding or wearing her. She's very tuned in to me - even still. I'm pretty sure that she could sense my stress and anxiety and reacted to that, although it never occurred to me at the time. Funny though, she got happier and more easy-going as I got help for depression and in turn became happier and more relaxed.

I feel that Elaine will be a complex, intense, discerning and highly sensitive little girl, woman and lady. Where Val takes after her daddy with her fun, easy-going, laid-back (but OH SO STUBBORN at times) and laughing personality, I'm afraid Elaine is ALL me. And I really do mean "afraid." How do I know how to parent her if I haven't even figured myself out yet?! Better get on that.

Write room

I got a new app from MacHeist called Write Room. It's a pretty simple concept, but very effective in creating a distraction-free writing environment at your computer.

I'm using it now.

The current settings remind me of DOS. DOS? Is that right? Boring green font on a black background with a big blinking rectangle for the cursor. I would google it but I'm currently in the Write Room and therefore am less inclined to jump to my browser and thus begin a trail of distractions.

Memo Maker. My mom used to edit the the home schooling newsletter with Memo Maker on our ancient computer. Wow, those were the days. She also played tetris on that computer (I think it was that one - we've had quite a few.)

Today at Panera a lady walked up to me as I sat in my booth working on our budget. She stood there until I realized she intended to talk to me so I looked up and she said, "I like your hair." I asked her to repeat herself to make sure I understood. "I like your hair." OK, uh, thanks. I smiled and went back to work. She walked away.

I've recently found what looks to be a fantastic resource for a community of people that I happen to be a part of that not many others in my real life circle are. HA. How's that for trying to remain vague but still be somewhat clear? Anyhow, I think I'm really going to like hanging out there and contributing to the forums. For some things you can't really know unless you really know. And it's so good to be among people who really know.

Oh here's something: Superman and I are considering becoming foster parents. Of babies. Probably short-term, emergency placement type situations. That's our thought now, but we've a long way to go. Lots contributed to this decision and I currently am unable to take the time to write it all down for you. Now that I think about it perhaps I legally won't even be able to share what it's like once a child is placed with us - confidentiality and all that - I have no idea. Hmmm. I wonder what the rules about that are, like with pictures and stuff.

Suffice it to say that this is something we've been thinking about for a long time. Like, since half-way through my pregnancy with Elaine. We recently contacted a foster family care agency in our area (that's been around for fifty years) and will probably take the mandatory classes and get all certified and stuff early next year. Foster care certainly isn't for everyone and we're not even sure it's for us yet, but we're certainly not opposed to the idea. We've been talking to and collecting information from people we know who have had some connection to foster care. I find the whole idea incredibly exciting and terrifying at the same time.

And now since I've used up my allotted 15 minutes (I'm currently on the FlyLady bandwagon again, or, my own adaptation of it) it's time for me to leave this black and green Write Room and post this not-at-all edited entry.